Replacing Balance in Motherhood
It is 2026, and we hear the familiar buzz–words of the year, goals, intentions. Yet many mothers, depending on the stage, are simply trying to survive and may have gotten a bit lost in the end-of-year transition. If that resonates, you are not alone.
As I have pondered on these “new beginning” messages, it brings me to the realization that in motherhood we truly are on a constant journey of finding the so-called “balance.”
Hold on, don’t drop off yet. Let me explain.
As a therapist, I repeatedly hear mothers describe a strong reaction to the word balance. Rather than it feeling encouraging, it often feels discouraging, unrealistic, and pressure-inducing. I became curious about why this word carries so much negative weight, especially for mothers navigating pregnancy, postpartum, and early parenting.
Let me share my take on this. When I hear the word balance, I often picture a scale or pendulum with two sides striving to reach an exact and/or equal position, often defined by the weight carried on each side. This image suggests precision, symmetry, and steadiness. Which we often attribute to balance. The problem is that motherhood rarely, if ever, functions this way. Life itself is very unpredictable, and motherhood magnifies that reality.
I once tried reframing balance by saying that we could “create” the balance that feels right for us. Maybe one side could be heavier, and that could still be acceptable; even redefined by each person. Yet, I faced the challenge of redefining something that did not in fact need redefining. The truth is that I was still trying to give meaning to a word that already, inherently, meant “equilibrium, and/or implied a level of perfection. And for many mothers, especially those struggling with anxiety or depression, the pressure that “balance” carries can quietly reinforce feelings of inadequacy or failure.
Over time, and through years of working with mothers, I found a word that feels far more compassionate, realistic, attainable and unique to each person: Rhythm
Think about watching two people learn to dance together. At first, it can feel awkward. They are learning not only the music, but also each other—their movements, their timing, their pace. Finding rhythm requires attention, flexibility, attunement, and lots of patience. It is not about getting it “right,” but about staying present and adjusting as needed.
This is how I understand motherhood. Motherhood is not about achieving balance. It is about finding your rhythm.
Rhythm is not comparative. It is not fixed. It does not demand perfection. It responds to what is happening at the moment. Your rhythm is shaped by your life, your responsibilities, your values, your energy, those around you and your season. It holds space for work, home, relationships, rest, self-care, and I would argue, your emotional and mental wellbeing.
When pregnancy or postpartum anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, guilt, or shame are present, finding rhythm can feel excruciatingly difficult. These experiences tend to amplify external noise, such as the dreaded expectations, fears, comparisons, and internal criticisms. The music you are trying to move to becomes harder to hear.
In therapy, part of the work becomes learning how to quiet those external factors, let’s even say, forces; because if you know, you know. The purpose of quieting those external factors is to reconnect you to what grounds you. This does not mean eliminating challenges or emotions. It means learning how to attune to yourself, your needs, and to the season of motherhood you are in right now. Let’s remember, that you are also becoming a mother, so many new parts of you are growing. Tuning inward to learn about them is crucial for your journey.
One of the most compassionate things about rhythm is that it is allowed to change, which means there is flexibility. Your rhythm can slow down or speed up. It can shift with new demands, new environments, new relationships, or changes in your mental health. What works in one season may not work in the next; and that does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It means you are responding wisely to what is needed–because you are learning to attune to yourself, your baby, your family, among all the other roles you live in.
So when you catch yourself thinking you need to “find balance,” I invite you to reframe with the following questions:
What rhythm do I need at this moment?
What rhythm fits this season of motherhood?
What rhythm supports my mental health right now?
What rhythm helps me feel more grounded in my body, mind, and relationships?
You may notice that different areas of your life are moving to different rhythms; Momma, that is okay. What matters is that each rhythm serves you and your family, rather than pulling you further away from what matters most to you.
As you practice finding and attuning to your own rhythm, over time, something important happens: it becomes easier to notice when you are living outside of it. And when you notice it, you are better able to anchor back—without shame, without self-criticism, and without the pressure to get it perfect.
Motherhood was never meant to be balanced. It was meant to be lived, one rhythm at a time, even if stepping on toes.
Your therapist,
Esmeralda Cardenas, LPC, PMH-C
“Helping mothers find healing and growth through faith-integrated, evidence-based, and creatively inspired therapy—guiding them toward resilience, connection, joy, and peace.” -Esmeralda Cardenas, LPC, PMH-C
