Labels in motherhood have existed for quite some time. We see them everywhere. They can be fun, they can be helpful, and sometimes they can even help us start conversations with others. Depending on the label we carry, we may even feel more confident in it, or we may not.
As a perinatal mental health therapist and a mother myself, I have also seen how unhelpful labels can become. Sometimes, they can even be hurtful.
This summer, I noticed myself getting caught in labels that were not supporting me.
Let me just say, life was full and non-stop. I was juggling a lot at the same time. Even as I say this, I think of the person juggling several balls in the air, attempting to catch them all and monitoring each one closely.
Okay...I am overstimulated just thinking about it now.
That is what summer felt like.
I am also a business owner, so little by little, some things started falling out of my usual rhythm. There were fewer community events I was attending, more chauffeuring to and from school activities, sports, pickup lines, trying to figure out dinner, work, family responsibilities. Some things slowly drifted away.
Then one day, as I walked through my home’s hallway while thinking about the many open tabs in my mind, I had a moment. I stopped, looked at everything before me—the living room, dining room and kitchen—things scattered everywhere. I took a deep breath. Exhaled a very frustrated, “Agh.”
And then I noticed the thought that came with it:
“I am such a disorganized mom.” (Yes, it happens to therapists too.)
What I noticed next was that the label began to chase me around.
I caught myself noticing the “disorganized” thought when thinking about dinner, when rushing to the next thing, when things fell out of my hands while carrying several bags, and when looking around my home and noticing was unfinished.
Eventually, I had to face it. This label was not helping me. It was actually hurting me.
The truth is, I think this is rather common in motherhood. We are drawn to quizzes, inventories, assessments, personality tests, all the things that promise to help us understand more about ourselves.
So of course we click on the “What type of mom are you?” quiz.
And then we discover that we are a Type A mom. Type B mom. Crunchy mom. Gentle mom. Helicopter mom. Free-range mom.
I recently learned there is now a Type C mom too.
Sometimes these kinds of descriptions can be helpful. I am not denying that. They can give us language for certain patterns, preferences, or ways we move through motherhood.
But I also think they can lead us into descriptions that become limiting.
So, what do we do with that?
Does it mean we “shouldn’t” do these quizzes or use labels? No. Not at all.
I think they can still help us understand more about ourselves, while also having the awareness, and maybe even the internal boundary, to say:
“This is not the whole picture of who I am.”
or
“This does not define the entirety of who I am.”
That distinction matters.
When facing depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, or other mental health challenges through pregnancy and postpartum, labels can creep in without us even noticing.
Before long, a difficult season can turn into:
“I am a bad mother.”
“I am a messy mother.”
“I am always late.”
“I am anxious.”
“I am failing.”
And then, on top of that, we carry all the other motherhood types and categories that already exist.
What I want to encourage you to consider is this:
What type of mother you are is not defined by one behavior, one thought, one pattern, one struggle, or the lack of any of those things. Who you are is much bigger than that.
Setting a boundary within yourself when using labels may mean being willing to remember the whole picture of who you are, rather than allowing one word to become the defining explanation for everything.
The boundary may simply be remembering:
This tells me something about myself, but it does not tell me everything about myself.
I actually wonder if we have become so accustomed to depending on outside resources to give us clarity about who we are that we sometimes forget to practice discernment for ourselves.
And please know, this is coming from the millennial mom who used to wait for the next issue of Seventeen or Teen People to see what quiz was inside.
Somewhere along the line, I wonder if many of us got used to the idea that something outside of us could help tell us who we were.
And maybe there is nothing inherently wrong with that. But I do wonder if there is also value in developing the ability to explore ourselves, reflect, get curious, get it wrong sometimes, change our minds, notice new things, and understand ourselves more deeply over time.
That is where I think confidence in ourselves can start growing too.
Now, bringing this back to motherhood and the labels we carry, maybe the question is not always:
“What type of mom am I?”
Maybe the question becomes:
“Who am I becoming as a mother?”
I wonder if there is more freedom in that.
More flexibility.
More room to grow.
More room to change.
Less pressure to live inside a box that may not even fit anymore.
When I think of labels in motherhood, I also think of the fruit of the spirit. Let me explain…
When I think about love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, I see a whole picture of growth that is much broader than one personality type or one label. It gives us room to grow in many areas. One area often supporting the other—leading us toward wholeness.
So instead of saying:
“I am a patient mother.”
Maybe I can say:
“I am a mother who wants to continue growing in patience.”
That feels different to me. It gives room for grace. It gives room for growth. It gives room for the days when patience comes easily and the days when it absolutely does not.
And maybe that is where I am landing with all of this.
Perhaps I do not need to keep asking what “type” of mother I am. Maybe I can simply be:
Type Me.
Unique, flexible, still learning, still growing. The type discovering who I am and who I am becoming.
Because Type Me makes room for complexity, and we are more complex than a single label.
Esmeralda Cardenas, LPC, PMH-C
Willow Path Collective
